I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
