I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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