Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
