DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its about making memories worth repressing
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
