Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
