Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
