the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.