Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!