She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i think i just lost a toe
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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