It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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