I want to walk on stilts...naked
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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