U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
