Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even my vagina gasped.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
