Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
