the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
