Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
