just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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