i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
