You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
