She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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