I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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