Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
