You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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