I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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