the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
