smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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