But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
