Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
