peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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