Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
