I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
