I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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