Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
