I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i think my cat just said my name.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
