I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
