Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
