I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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