Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
