I CAN MOONWALK!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
