Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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