It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
