got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
