On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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