shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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