You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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