just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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