my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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