he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
