I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
