My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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