i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
