I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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