I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
