Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
