My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
