some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
