Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
