Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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