She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize