Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
