pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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