AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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