Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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