yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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