I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
