3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just puked most of my soul out..
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