quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
