that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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