can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
