2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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