so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
