yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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