I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
